Pigeon Impossible

Pigeon Impossible

Perspective: CIA Agent Walter Beckett

Mornings like this, there are a ton of butterflies in my stomach. I am pretty good at what I do, but I am always afraid of the worst. Being a junior CIA agent, someone watching over my every move. ALWAYS. To move up in rank, I must do everything right, all the time. I begin to cross the street to get my briefcase, and keep jumping--afraid that the cars will hit me. It must be obvious the amount of nerves that I am feeling. I am a complete mess. I make it across the street, and have a successful hand off of the briefcase. Whew! One step down. My briefcase is in one hand, and my delicious bagel in the other. I make my way to the bench that I sit at everyday so I can begin my work. As I get closer to the bench, I sense someone watching me. I usually don’t feel this way. Who could be watching me?

All of a sudden, a pigeon comes and sits on the bench beside me. I begin to eat my bagel and get my computer up and ready to go. Wait…the bird is staring at ME. What the heck does this bird want? Why is he looking at me that way? I KNOW… He must want my bagel. Of course! Birds like bread, and I am sure he smells my bagel. I rip off a small piece of my delicious bagel, hoping this will satisfy the bird. I throw it to the bird, but the bird doesn’t care. The bird wants more. Does this bird really think that I am going to give him more of my delicious, expensive bagel? No way; this is my bagel. The bird begins to come toward me. Oh no! He is flying after my bagel, and tries to grab it from me. I must not lose my focus on the computer, but I have to get this bird away from me. I throw my bagel to try to get him away from me, and somehow the bird ends up in the briefcase, of all places.

My briefcase is shut and on the ground underneath the bench. It starts coming after me out of nowhere. What is going on with my briefcase? Why is it coming after me? I go around the bench to get out of the way of my briefcase, as it keeps bouncing down the sidewalk. Where is my briefcase going? My briefcase is coming back towards me now, as well as a woman running away in a panic. What did I do to cause this to happen? Shots begin to fire from my briefcase. Why is it shooting at me? My briefcase is out to get me now. It has a mind of its own. It keeps shooting bullets, and now it starts to blow things up.

I get knocked down to the ground as shots continue to fire all around me. As I get up, I notice that my bagel is on the ground beside me. I quickly grab it. I must get that bird away from me and my briefcase. All around me, things are in a panic. A car is on fire, and cars are wrecking all around me. I hold the bagel up in the air, hoping that the pigeon will see it so we can stop all of this. I only want to get my briefcase back and go on my way. I don’t even care about giving the pigeon my whole bagel now. I tempt the pigeon by holding the bagel over the flames from the car. Maybe if I tempt him with this bagel, he will get out of the briefcase and go away. The bird peaks out of the case, and I hope that this is the end. As I get closer to the briefcase to give the pigeon the bagel, I try to catch him. The pigeon doesn’t like this idea and goes back into the briefcase.

The next thing I know, a missile is looking me straight in the face. I throw the bagel up in the air, trying to get the pigeon out of the briefcase. The bagel comes flying back down and lands in the briefcase…on the fire button for the missile. The missile begins to take off, and it looks like it is going for Russia. I have to stop that missile. I can’t let it hit Russia. What am I going to do? I grab on to my suitcase, and away I go. I fly into the air after the missile. I am getting closer and closer to the missile. I can make it; I can stop the missile. Almost there….what in the heck? Why is the bird coming back after me again? The bagel must be still in the briefcase. I try to aim at the missile, but there is no ammunition. The bird is sitting on the briefcase-staring at me as we fly through the air. All the bird wants is the bagel. All I want is for this to be over and get on with my day. I open the briefcase so the bagel can get out and make the bird happy.

The bird goes after the briefcase, and once again I attempt my shot. I must stop this missile in its tracks. I aim, and shoot. Perfect. The missile explodes, and the sky is filled with a black ball of smoke. I slowly land back on the ground, right next to the bench that started it all.

I put on my black sunglasses, and walk away, pretending nothing happened.

No Bake Strawberry Cheesecake

Recipe:

1 pre-made graham cracker crust

1 block of cream cheese, softened (8oz)

½ cup sugar

8oz cool whip

1 package of strawberries

I walk into the kitchen to make my favorite dessert. We don’t make it often because we always want to eat too much of it! I remember when I learned about this recipe…It was 2 or so years ago at a spring cookout we had at work. I saw it sitting with the other desserts, but it stuck out among the rest. Seeing the fresh strawberries on top made me want to try some. I am sure glad I did. It is now a family favorite and delicious also!

I start to gather my ingredients to make this delicious cheesecake. I walk over to the refrigerator and open the door. I grab the block of cream cheese, the container of cool whip and the package of strawberries. I feel how cold they are in my hands. I sit these items on the kitchen counter and hear a light thud as they land.

I turn around to grab the sugar container off of our kitchen counter. I open our kitchen cabinet and get out our cutting board to use it for the strawberries. I sit the cutting board on the counter and hear the thudding as the two connect. I turn on the faucet and begin to rinse off the strawberries so they will be clean. I smell the fruity smell that I love as I feel the water run between my fingers, rinsing off the dirt and germs from the strawberries.

I pull off all of the green leaves from the strawberries and throw them into the trash. I hear a ripping sound while doing this. I start to chop the strawberries on the cutting board and hear a rhythmical chopping sound. The rhythm is calming to me as I hear it over and over. Chop, chop, chop, chop. I take the knife and slide all of the strawberries into a small bowl so they are ready to be used.

I measure out the sugar and pour it into a mixing bowl. I pour the cream cheese and cool whip into the bowl also. I hear an indescribable noise as the cream cheese and cool whip lands in the bowl. It makes a funny sound, and makes me smile. I mix it all those ingredients and get them ready for the cheesecake.

I take the crust and pour in the mix that I just made. I make sure it is approximately the same amount throughout. I take strawberries and drop them onto the cheesecake and attempt to make it look pretty. I can smell the sugar and cream cheese, as well as a hint of fruit. Once I finish putting on the strawberries, I cover it and put it in the refrigerator to solidify some before eating.

I begin to clean up all of the utensils and bowls that I used to make the recipe, and begin to count down in my head how long before we can eat it. Delicious, strawberry goodness.

Final Blog Entry

I don’t really know how to do this final blog post, but I will give it my best. I can honestly say that I am glad that this assignment is over. When Lesson 4 first started and I learned that we had to do 25 blog posts over a significant period of time, I thought it would be an enjoyable assignment. I thought I would have interesting things to write about and that the assignment wouldn’t be that bad. The first few blogs that I did took a long time to write initially. It was hard for me to get the words out and even get to the word count requirement. After the first few days, however, it became easier and easier to complete each blog. I am not sure how my blogs will fare in regards to others, but considering that this is was a freewriting assignment, it shouldn’t matter.

The biggest challenge that I had from this assignment was not having any feedback from our instructor. Throughout this assignment it would have been nice to have at least one piece of feedback to know how I was doing with my writing, and what things I could work on to improve. Since I have no proof if my blogs have even been read by my instructor, and no feedback from her, I have no idea if I have grown as a writer or if any improvement has been seen. If I would have received feedback, it would have let me know if I was growing or making any improvement with my writing.

Another challenge that I had was the inability to see other student’s blogs from this semester. There are other blogs posted from previous classes on Ms. A’s website, but I wanted to be see my fellow student’s blogs. When this assignment started a few classmates, as well as me, kept asking when our blogs would be posted on her website for us to see, and they were never posted. As I am typing this now on the day of the final post deadline, they still haven’t been posted. I wanted to see how the other students in my class were doing and what they were writing about. Due to a fellow student posting her blog link on Blackboard, and other students following her lead, I was able to see a few student blogs from this semester. If my fellow classmate wouldn’t have started that thread on Blackboard, I wouldn’t have had any access at all.

The only thing that I discovered during this assignment is that I can essentially type out a journal entry once a day. The assignment felt only like a daily journal entry since we didn’t have a whole lot of direction or feedback. I also discovered that my typing speed has improved since I have been typing these throughout the last month.

I initially liked this assignment because I thought it would help me become a better writer and learn more, but I soon realized it was a totally different situation, and that I hated this assignment. I don’t understand the point of an assignment where we are just writing, writing, and writing, with no feedback or help along the way. The only way this type of assignment would help us get better is with feedback and better instruction of the assignment.

Due to no feedback and very little direction on this assignment, I don’t feel like I have changed as a writer. If the assignment would have been laid out better and better instruction from our teacher, I believe I would have changed as a writer and actually learned something. For now, I am just glad that this meaningless assignment is over.

Word Count: 620 words

Post #25

We are going to be starting occupational therapy for him next week. He will be getting therapy twice a week. I am still in shock in a way, and scared also, but I trust that this therapist has my son’s best interests in mind. She is very talented in the things that she does, and I know she will do what she thinks will help him the most. One of the things she wants to incorporate with him is called iLS. iLS stands for interactive learning system, and it helps sensory kids learn and do things the way that they should. I have seen other patients use it before, but I have never seen them enough to understand what they were doing, or if it was truly helping them or not. He is going to be getting occupational therapy twice a week, but iLS therapy three times a week. I am ready to get him going and begin to work on things that he needs help with. I am ready to see my son behave and do things how he should. I know that there will always be differences, but with therapy, it should get easier. I am ready to learn how I can adequately help my son with things, and not unintentionally harm him due to the sensory issues that he has. We are also going to try to pursue occupational therapy in the school. He has an articulation disorder and receives speech therapy in the school as well as in a private therapy clinic setting, but we want to get occupational therapy set up in the school alongside the therapy clinic. I don’t know if he will qualify though. He scored terribly on the tests that she did, but I don’t know if he did bad enough to get school therapy. School guidelines are pathetic with how bad you have to be before you can get help. A lot of kids that I think actually need therapy fall through the cracks due to their guidelines. I am grateful that regardless of what happens in school that he will be able to get therapy in the private clinic.

Word Count: 359 words

Post #24

Also this week we took in our son for an occupational therapy evaluation. He has been having some sensory issues as well as behavioral issues. He had been having some issues for quite some time with certain things, and one day I decided to try to figure out what might be causing them. No matter what we tried, things never got better with these issues. Some of the issues that I was noticing was an issue with brushing my son’s teeth, washing his hair or face, trimming his nails, as well as inattention and not following directions. I decided to google issues trimming nails one day and it led me to a website that said that this might be related to sensory issues in a person. Thankfully, I work for a private therapy clinic full time, so I knew just where to go. I decided to ask our occupational therapist and see what she said, and she agreed that this might be a sensory issue he was having. I mentioned the other above issues that I had noticed at home, and she said that it sounded like we had a sensory kid on our hands. At that point we decided that we probably should pursue an evaluation to see what might be going on with him. Fast forward a few weeks....last week I sent off an order for my son to have an evaluation (I send off orders for all of our patients in our clinic, so I did his also), and we got it back. He had his evaluation on Tuesday, and we received the results on Thursday. He has quite a few sensory issues, and a lot of issues that I didn’t even realize would be sensory related. The therapist had me fill out a questionaire called a Sensory Profile, and I was amazed at some of the questions asked. I never would have thought that some of these things would be sensory related. After the evaluation she said that he has Sensory Processing Disorder. Part of me was shocked, but part of me was glad that we had a diagnosis for the way he acts and does things, and can start getting help.

Word Count: 366 words

Post #23

Well this week has definitely been an interesting one for me. First I find out that my daughter will most likely end up having reactive airway disease for the rest of her life due to getting RSV last week. Her lungs were so irritated that they will probably always be that way. She will probably wheeze off and on unless we give her breathing treatments. We had to give her breathing treatments three times a day for a week, and we stopped that on Wed. She was doing really well, but tonight she started wheezing again. I hate that she keeps getting wheezy, but at least I know what will help her. We gave her a breathing treatment, and within minutes her wheezing had stopped. The only good thing to this is that since we are starting this at such a young age, as she is growing up she will know no different and think that breathing treatments is a normal thing and not try to fight them. She does very well with her treatments now. We use the spacer instead of the regular mask due to her fighting and screaming with the mask. With the spacer, she likes to gum on it and suck on it, and it makes the treatment process so much easier. I love how easy it is for her. I hope the easiness stays that way for the future, if we have to keep giving her breathing treatments. She is also starting to get her first tooth. The very tip of her tooth has poked through, and now we are waiting for the rest of it to pop through. She has been super fussy recently due to this, and loves to have her gums rubbed. It seems to calm her down and help with the pain in her mouth. Oragel seems to be helping also. We use an amber bracelet on her ankle to help with pain also, as well as occasionally giving her Tylenol.

Word Count: 330 words

2/25/15: Free-writing Post #22

Once a week our “adopted” sister comes over to our house to hang out. She spends times with our children and usually helps us make dinner. Occasionally she will make the whole meal. My kids love it when Jenna comes over. My almost 8 month daughter gets so excited when she walks in the door and wants to see her immediately. My son runs through the house yelling, “Jenna is here…Jenna is here…Jenna is here!” We consider her adopted because she gets along well with all of the members of our family and we get along great. Over the summer she will be living with us and helping take care of the kids. She goes to BBC here in town and lives on campus. She has to pay rent over the summer and has no access to food. The cafeteria is closed over the summer, so she would have to purchase all of her own food. With her staying at our house over the summer, she will save money, and so will we. She won’t have to pay anything except a storage unit for part of her stuff. We will be paying less in babysitting because she will watch our daughter a few days a week. We also needed someone to watch my son all summer since school will be out, and couldn’t afford for him to go to the babysitter every day of the week. It is a win for everyone. The only thing that I wish were different was that our house were bigger. We have a 3 bedroom house, and every room is currently being used. We have our master bedroom, Joseph’s bedroom, and my daughter’s nursery. While Jenna stays here she will be sleeping on the couch and keeping her basic living essentials in our living room. I don’t mind though. She will have it organized in here though so you won’t even be able to tell.

Word count: 321 words

2/24/15: Free-writing Post #21

I am so far behind in my assigned reading for The Heart and the Fist. I try and try to get to read my book some more, but I just haven’t had time. I have been dealing with so much everywhere else currently, that school work has got so far behind. My daughter has been so sick over the last two weeks, and were getting hardly any sleep. She is also getting her first tooth currently, so she has been very clingy and fussy. Two weeks ago she was diagnosed with double ear infections, double pink eye, and an upper respiratory infection. Last week she was diagnosed with RSV. She was given steroids for 5 days, and we were supposed to follow up with her pediatrician on Friday. When we went on Friday, her wheezing wasn’t any better, so he wanted her to start breathing treatments. He filled out paperwork for her to have her own nebulizer, and gave her one at the office. We have to give her 3 breathing treatments a day for a week to help get her breathing under control. At first we tried to use the regular breathing treatment mask, but it didn’t work well at all. She would fight us and scream her head off. She kicked and writhed around wanting to get out from the mask. I think the problem was that she doesn’t like to be restricted, and we had to restrict her to give her the treatment. Her nebulizer came with a spacer that could be used when she was older, but we decided to give that a try. We were desperate to try something else that might work for her to still get her breathing treatment without all the trouble. We tried the spacer and she would either “chew” on it or keep it by her mouth. She would fuss a little for the beginning of the treatment, and would settle down right after. We have been doing the treatments like this for a few days now, and it is working wonderfully. She hardly fusses now, and is able to get her treatments done much easier.

Word Count: 356 words

2/23/15: Free-writing Blog # 20

Navy SEALS:

Navy SEALS are a unique breed of warrior who conduct special operations in any environment, but who are uniquely trained and equipped to operate from, around, and in maritime areas. SEALS take their name from the environments in which they are trained to operate: sea, air and land. Their small highly trained teams usually work quietly at night conducting some of the nation’s most important missions. SEALS are constantly deployed throughout the world to protect national interests.

Navy SEALS and their high speed boat driving counterparts, Naval Special Warfare Combatant-Craft Crewman, form the operational arms of the Naval Special Warfare community, which is headed by the Naval Special Warfare Command. NSW acts both as the Navy’s special operations force as well as the Navy component of the U.S. Special Operations Command, which is responsible for all U.S. special operations forces.

NSW training and preparation stresses an enduring commitment to individual initiative, personal responsibility and mission accomplishment. Naval Special Warfare goes to great lengths to ensure that its forces are capable and prepared.

http://www.sealswcc.com/navy-seals-overview.html#.VOqUpPnF8fg

A career as a Navy SEAL provides intangible and tangible benefits. SEALs work closely with their teammates to innovatively accomplish missions important to national security. They constantly learn and push their physical and mental limits, living an unconventional and out-of-the-cubicle lifestyle.

-Starting pay of up of $60,000

-Qualification and re-enlistment bonuses

-Possible repayment of college loans

-Extra pay for diving, parachuting and demolitions

-30 days’ vacation per year

-Medical and dental benefits

-Retirement after 20 years

-Tax free pay in combat zones

-Tax free allowances for housing and food

Navy SEALs operate at the forefront of America’s national security efforts by conducting direct action missions against bomb making networks and, to finding, fixing and finishing high value terrorist cells. SEALs have provided security for key officials, taught foreign military and special operations personnel how to combat terrorism in their own countries, and prevented environmental sabotage. Wherever they are assigned, Navy SEALs make a difference by supporting their teammates, serving their country and protecting both U.S. and global citizens.

Word Count: 343 words

2/22/15: Free-writing Post #19

I thought it would be a good idea if I learned a little bit about the author while reading more of the book. I thought it might help me understand the background of the story more.

Eric Greitens:

                -Born and raised in Missouri

                -was an Angier B. Duke Scholar at Duke University

                -At Duke University he studied ethics, philosophy, and public policy

                -Attended University of Oxford as a Truman Scholar

                -Earned a Master’s degree and a Ph.D. at Oxford

                -served as a Navy SEAL officer

                -deployed 4 times during the war on terrorism to Afghanistan, Southeast Asia, Horn of Africa, and Iraq

                -Commander of a Mark V Special Operations Craft Detachment

                -Commander of a Joint Special Operations Task Unit

                -Commander of an al Qaeda Targeting Cell

                -Was appointed as a White House fellow in 2005

                -Became Navy Reserve Junior Line Officer of the Year in 2011

                -Military awards received:

                                -Combat Action Ribbon

                                -Purple Heart

                                -Bronze Star

                -Founded The Mission Continues

                                -national nonprofit organization

                                -challenges veterans to serve in communities across America

                -Recognized as one of the most effective leaders in America

                -TIME magazine named him as one of the 100 most influential people in the world in 2013

                -Was recognized as one of the 50 greatest leaders in the world by Fortune magazine

                -Is a photographer

                -Is a writer, and has wrote 3 books

                -Teaches as a Senior Fellow at the Truman School of Public Affairs

                -Books

                                -The Heart and the Fist

                                                -Published April 2011

                                                -New York Times Best Seller

                                -Resilience

                                                -Published March 2015                                                 

                                                -Letters regarding war between Eric and a friend

                                -Strength & Compassion

                                                -Published October 2008

                                                -Collection of humanitarian photographs that Eric took along with essays

                                -The Warrior’s Heart

                                                -Published October 2012

                                                -Teen version of Heart and the Fist

                                                -teaches Character Education curriculum including (integrity, courage, compassion, perseverance, leadership, global issues, overcoming fear, service learning, unity/teambuilding

                                                -think critically about values and how you would respond to difficult situations

                                               

http://www.ericgreitens.com

               

 Word Count: 321 words

2/21/15: Free-writing Post #18

I have read a chapter so far of our book for class, and I think it is going to be a very good book. It seems to be very interesting and informative about what happens when you are a Navy SEAL. It is an addicting read and is a quick page turner.

So far we have met 10 identified people as well as 2 unidentified marines and Iraqi soldiers. It appears that the main character is the author, Eric Greitens.

The next main character so far has been his SEAL buddy, Joel.

Everyone else that has been identified has had a little bit of an appearance.

I am curious to see who are the main characters are in the next chapters.

3 places have been visited so far, with Iraq being the most discussed. Washington, DC and Doylestown, PA have both been mentioned.

So far the book has been very clean, and has only had 1 cuss word involved. I thought there would be more cuss words so far, especially for a military related book, so I am surprised.

We get to experience a bit of Eric’s SEAL training in regards to using whistles. We learn what 1 whistle, 2 whistles, and 3 whistles mean.

In the first chapter there were three words that I was unfamiliar with the meanings of.

                -Insurgent: risking in active revolt, a rebel or revolutionary

                -Minaret: a tall slender tower, typically part of a mosque, with a balcony from which a muezzin calls Muslims to prayer.

                               

- Muezzin: a man who calls Muslims to prayer

            -Motley: incongruously varied in appearance or character, disparate

                               

-Incongruously: not in harmony or keeping with the surroundings or other aspects of something

My favorite quote from this chapter was: “What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.” (Page 10)

I liked how Eric discussed courageous people, peace, and a good life. These are all good things to discuss and that will help others greatly regardless of their situation.

Word Count: 341 words

2/20/15: Free-writing Post #17

Preface page xv

Part 1: Mind and Fist pages 3-46

Part 2: Heart and Mind pages 47-130

Part 3: Heart and Fist pages 131-284

Epilogue pages 285-298

Afterword pages 299-302

Note from Author pages 303-306

Notes pages 307-313

Book is 313 pages

Chapter 1: Iraq

Characters: Joel, Eric, Staff Sergeant Big Sexy Francis, Mike Marise, Lieutenant Colonel Fisher, Travis Manion, two unidentified marines, Iraqi soldiers, Tom Manion, Janet Manion, Ryan, Dave

Places: Iraq; Washington DC (Eric’s apartment); Doylestown, PA;

Cuss words said: ass

Seal training:

                1 whistle: drop to mud with hands over ears, feet crossed

                2 whistles: begin to crawl

                3 whistles: push to feet and run

                Whistle, drop, whistle, crawl, whistle, up and run

Summary: Mortar attack; suicide truck explodes; Joel got hit in the back of the head from shrapnel in truck bomb, major brain/head injury; Travis died a month after suicide attack; Travis was welcomed home as a soldier (roads lined with people saluting or holding hands over hearts, American flag flew from fire truck ladders, 300 care procession to gravesite); Travis’ family wasn’t consumed by bitterness, rage, despair-they wanted to honor his life; Eric and Joel wanted to do everything possible to honor Travis’ life.

Unfamiliar words: insurgent, minaret, motley

Travis Manion: recent graduate of Naval Academy; was an outstanding wrestler; tough, walked with a smile on his face; first lieutenant; killed in line of duty; received Silver Star; student of Greek history

Joel: bunked on western wall of barrack; Intel officer; worked closely with Iraqi troops in Fallujah; jovial, level headed; smokes; is a father of a boy

Eric: bunked on western wall of barrack; had traveled to Bosnia, Rwanda, and Cambodia;

Mike Marise: F-18 fighter pilot in Marine Corps

Tom Manion: Travis’ father

Janet Manion: Travis’ mother

Ryan: Travis’ sister

Dave: Travis’ brother in law

Quotes I liked:

“What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.” –quote from page 10

Courageous people lived with compassion in midst of tremendous hardship, turned pain into wisdom, and suffering into strength (pg 11)

People made their own actions and lives into a memorial that honored people they had lost (pg 11)

Peace is more than the absence of war; peace can only be where we ask ourselves and each other to be more than just good, and better than just strong (pg 11)

A good life entails more than the absence of suffering; a good life can only be where we do more than live for ourselves (pg 11)

Word count: 426 words

2/19/15: Free-writing Post #16

Due to being sick, as well as my daughter being sick, I am just now starting to read The Heart and the Fist. I have a lot to read already since I am already behind, but I can only do so much. Regardless of what things I have to do, my family and children are top priority. When they are sick, they get every second of my spare time. When they are sick, they need more time with mommy and more cuddle time since they don’t feel good.

I think the book will be a good read, especially with the topic. I am pretty interested in Navy Seals right now since seeing American Sniper a few weeks ago. Navy Seals would be an interesting field of the military to be in due to the work you do. Being in the military is only for certain people, and I am not one of them. I am not physically strong enough or emotionally strong either. I would not be able to handle it.

In American Sniper, Chris has a hard time turning off the military, so to speak, when he goes home to his family. It seems that he has a type of post-traumatic stress disorder, and can’t calm down when he is not in the war field. He was so determined on saving his country, he couldn’t quit going on tours, and soon became the best sniper in military history.

I am curious as to what exactly The Heart and the Fist will be about, as to what path he decided to go down in his book.

I also cross my fingers, hoping that my health will stay well, and also that my family’s health would stay well. My daughter is currently getting over her sickness, as well as my son and I. This weather makes it so hard to stay healthy though. We will just have to cross our fingers and make sure we stay healthy.

Word Count: 326 words

2/18/15: Free-writing Post #15

I am currently sitting on my couch, home from work. Yesterday and the day before I had the stomach bug that has been going around. Today my stomach is still a bit nauseous and yucky feeling, but much better than it had been before. The only plus side to this is that I might be able to catch up on some of my assignments since I’m not at work currently. I wish I felt better though. Out of the 3 classes that I am taking this semester, this is the only class that I am unsure of my grade. Since we have hardly any grades back so far, I don’t know what my grade is. My other two classes return grades pretty quickly. In those classes I have a 96% and a 91%.  I wish the 91% was higher, but it dropped some because of a test. I have awful test anxiety and forget everything I have learned when it comes to tests. I got an 87% on the test, and it made my overall percentage drop quite a bit. My grade had been 95 or 96% prior to the test. I wish I didn’t have test anxiety. I would do so much better on my tests, and get a better grade in the class. What irritates me the most is that I know how to do the work, but doing badly on tests makes the teacher think that I don’t. I know how to do my assignments and get the answers correct, but I forget things when I have a test in front of me. Maybe as I continue through school my test anxiety will decrease. I don’t know anything to do to try to make it better either. I try my hardest to be calm and relaxed, but it doesn’t help on the test. Maybe I will come up with more ideas to try to help cure my test anxiety.

Word Count: 322 words

2/17/15: Free-writing Post #14

On top of everything else mentioned in my last blog post, I now have the stupid stomach bug. I feel awful, and sure as heck don’t feel like doing any of my assignments. I wish I could just put life on pause. I would get better and healthy, and then push play again. This has been the longest 5 weeks of my life. I have been sick multiple times, I have slept like crap, and felt like crap. I have been majorly depressed since I want to spend more time with my children. Even if I had time to be with them more right now I couldn’t, since I am sick. Life seems to just stink right now. I am now counting down until the semester is over. I want to be done so bad right now. Life seems to be too chaotic right now for me to be in school. Every time I try to do something new, everything else seems to go nuts. I know I probably shouldn’t be so discouraged, but I am right now. I didn’t think my first semester of school would be like this. I don’t really know what I envisioned school to be like, but not like this.

On a different note, it would be nice to have some feedback in this class. I don’t even know what my grade is with these blogs, much less if I am doing them correctly. I hate that it takes so long to get any grade feedback on anything. How do I know if I am doing what I need to be doing correctly or not? This class has been so frustrating, and I can’t wait until it is over. I am busting my butt doing assignment after assignment for this class, and I have a total of 3 assignments graded. I don’t even know how many assignments I have done for this class. Way more than 3 though.

Word Count: 323 words

2/16/15: Free-writing Post # 13

It seems to be harder and harder to be ahead of my assignments lately. I hadn’t been doing too badly, but then life began to happen again. I got sick and had a back cold which made me not want to do anything. After that, my daughter got very sick and of course needed more attention and care. I had been able to do homework after my son was in bed for the night because my husband would put my daughter to bed. When she was sick, bed wasn’t as easy as it usually was. Usually we would get her in pajamas and give her a bottle. She would fall asleep in our arms and we would put her in her bed. Most nights she would stay asleep for the whole night. If she did wake up during the night she was able to put herself back to sleep. When she was sick, she would fight falling to sleep. While drinking her bottle it was hard to her to breathe, so she would get fussy. She fought sleep because she didn’t want to be alone or not held. During this time, there was no way that David could take care of her on her own. I also couldn’t study due to her being very fussy. I went from being ahead on my assignments to completing them at the last minute. My daughter also had to be given antibiotics at night time that she would hate to take. She would try to spit it out when we would put it in her mouth. If she didn’t try to spit out the medicine, she would start gagging and make herself throw up. It made evenings lots of fun, and virtually impossible to do my work. I am attempting to now get back ahead on things, but once you get behind it is very hard to catch up. 

Word Count: 315 words

2/15/15: Free-writing Post #12

I have so much stuff to do this weekend for school it is ridiculous. I want to spend a lot of time with my children on the weekends, but it definitely isn’t happening this weekend. I have way too much stuff due. What I find ridiculous is the amount of homework I have for the classes I am taking. I am only taking 8 credit hours and I have a ginormous amount of work to be done. I sure didn’t think that taking 3 classes would lead to this much work. I don’t even know if I can make it through the rest of this semester. I am so discouraged. I just want to be with my children, but I can’t. I can’t drop classes because then I would have to pay back a crap ton of money to the school that I don’t have. If I wasn’t doing classes though I would get to spend time with my kids and my husband when I came home from work. I would get to see what each one of them was doing and how my daughter was growing. With school I am not getting that opportunity. Being in school also seems to be hurting my relationship with my husband. My husband is having to do most of the childcare in the evenings since I am trying to do school work, and he is getting so frustrated about it. When I decided to go to school, he agreed to watch the kids like he is now. At that time he said that he would be fine with watching them so I could do my homework, but that isn’t the case now. He doesn’t want to be the only one taking care of our children. I completely understand that also, but I can’t help it right now.

Word Count: 304 words

2/14/15: Free-writing Post #11

If I even want a chance of passing these 3 classes, I can’t spend time with them after work, because then I won’t have time to finish my assignments for school. AGHHH! I hate this frustration and depression that I am feeling. I wish I knew what the right choice was and what was best for my children in this matter. I also wish I had the finances available to where I could drop classes if I wanted to. Unfortunately that isn’t an option though. If I drop classes, I would have to pay back all of my pell grant that I was awarded and it would put me in a bad place in regards to financial aid. I would probably be put on probation or lose my financial assistance. I can’t risk that either. I have to know that if I want to go to school that it will be paid for by my grants and financial assistance. I wish this wasn’t so stinking complicated. I know which path that I want to take, but I can’t take it. I still have 11 weeks left of the semester, and I don’t think I can make it. I have struggled through the first 5, and that isn’t even half way through the semester. My marriage is falling apart due to my husband and I arguing over everything since I’m not helping with the kids. My children aren’t getting time with their mother like they need and deserve, and I’m not getting time with my family like I need. School is ruining my family and my marriage currently. I just don’t know how I am going to make it over the next 11 weeks, or how my family will either. If we survive and are still functioning and talking together, it will be a miracle.

To Be Continued…

Word Count: 307 words

2/13/15: Free-writing Post #10

It was an interesting day. The day started out like normal, but I was sure glad that it was a Friday. I didn’t want to work that day at all. I was so exhausted, and didn’t want to get out of bed. I have been so tired and exhausted since school started. I feel like I am always running on steam and never get enough rest. I have begun to wonder if going to school is the right thing for me to be doing right now. My daughter is only 7 months old, and I am not getting much time with her due to doing school work after I get home from working all day long. I just don’t even know what to do anymore. I know that I can’t drop out this semester, but I know that I hate missing out on my children’s lives. I want to see my son and see what fun things he is doing or building. I want to see my daughter growing up, especially since this is part of her first year here on earth. I hate not getting time with them. It is making me so depressed. I don’t know what I was thinking when I decided to start school. I had been trying to do very little homework while the kids are up, and do the rest once they are in bed for the evening, but then I only get a few hours to work on my homework, and it seems that a few hours each evening isn’t enough time. When I only do it that way, I get behind on school work. I haven’t had any late assignments, but I need to try to stay as ahead of the game as possible. I need to get as many assignments done as quickly as I can but still do a good job so I have time for some of the other assignments that I know that will be assigned. 

To Be Continued...

Word Count: 331 words

2/12/15: Free-writing Post # 9

I think I am starting to get a cold now. Either that or whatever crud is going around right now. I woke up this morning with my throat hurting some, but not like it usually does with a cold or some other bug. I also have a headache, and am incredibly exhausted. I hope that I don’t get anything. I hate being sick, and I definitely don’t have time to be sick. There is no free time currently for me, and I surely don’t have time to be sick and not feeling well on top of it. I hate winter regardless because of all the sickness that goes around, but this year is nuts. All of the up and down temperature changes makes it so hard for our immune systems to handle what is going on. I daily take multivitamins plus other supplements to try to help keep my body as strong as possible, but it still doesn’t help everything. I am very sanitary and always clean my hands also. I just wish there was something else that I could do that I knew would keep me completely healthy. Unfortunately there isn’t such a thing, but it would be awesome if there was. So far I have had multiple colds, as well as having the strain of flu that wasn’t in the flu shot. My husband has had a cold once, and my children have both had colds a few times. I would love for our family to be super healthy and stay that way. I always think that I could do things that would be a good invention and make money off of it, but I have no way of coming up with something that will keep everyone healthy and be able to guarantee it. I believe I should just start a countdown until winter is over and the temperatures will be better.

Word Count: 314 words